By Lester Hughes-Seamans
I know you’re all dying to find out how my cute little piggy Annabelle is doing. Is she still living at our house? Is she still alive? Did we eat her? Have I lost my mind yet being the proud owner of a 60+ pound pot-bellied pig?
The answer to the first question is no, Annabelle does not live at our house any longer, but yes, she is alive; we didn’t eat her. And the last question? No, I haven’t lost my mind. In fact, I’ve been feeling quite mellow since I finally came to my senses (after some heavy duty professional help) and got rid of that heartless, bottomless pit of a stomached animal.
Yes, I was on the verge of losing my mind. I was fortunate to have spent nearly a month away from my family last summer visiting my sis and brother-in-law in New York City and then site-seeing with them in France.
I felt reassured when I called from Avignon, France, to find my family getting along just fine in my absence. My husband informed me that he was putting the finishing touches on Annabelle’s new doggy-door and pen in the backyard. I looked forward to returning refreshed after my travels to a contented basement-living pig. No more barricades in the kitchen.
My first night home, I viewed the new pen in the backyard with admiration. It didn’t look too bad. When I called to Annabelle, she adorably strolled through the doggy-door and started rooting with delight in her new domain. Then I went inside to a beautifully-cleaned house, especially the kitchen. No sign of a pig anywhere. What a relief! It was then that I was alarmed to hear this hideous banging sound, “bam, bam, bam”. “What’s that?”, I asked my family with dismay. “Oh, that’s just Annabelle knocking on the basement door”. It seems the piggy got a little lonely down there and wanted to come up for a visit. So, I headed down the stairs, opened the door, and there she was. She immediately bounded through my legs and came upstairs. The first thing I noticed about the basement was that my beautiful solid oak door was becoming very discolored from her muddy snout. Then I looked with alarm at my laundry area. There was about an inch of drying mud everywhere. We had a lot of rain this summer, you know. I couldn’t stand it, but the worst was yet to come.
The next morning, as I was still recovering from my jet lag, I again became very aware of the banging from the basement below. Before the noise began, I found myself tip-toeing softly through the house as to not wake up children or pigs. Didn’t work. I finally decided I was going to lose my sanity once and for all if I didn’t end this noise. So, I released Annabelle from the bounds of the basement and let her come up and visit for a spell.
It couldn’t have been more than five minutes when I discovered she had already peed in her favorite spot, the entry way. I was furious. I went after her with the broom and must have looked and sounded like an Alfred Hitchcock movie character as I began beating her with great anger, attempting to catapult her back down into the basement. This of course woke both my kids, and there I was again, washing out peed-on shoes in the kitchen sink. How disgusting. I knew that my ordeal would have to be over soon.
When my husband Stymie came home that afternoon, I told him where I was at. He told me that, no, we had decided that if we built the pen and put in the doggy door, we’d keep the beast. I, of course, became irate at this response and told him fine, he could keep the pig, but I would have to leave.
Stymie cowered away and disappeared. Several minutes later, he calmly reappeared from the basement and announced that Tony and Stacy would take Annabelle off our hands. We could deliver her the very next day. Tony DeSantis is a former Mini-Schooler of renown from the mid-70’s. We had seen Tony and Stacy at a get together a week before I left for my trip. At that time, they told us they would take Anna on a trial basis while I was gone. I was ready to give her up then, but when I got home and told my daughters Sarah and Ray, Sarah went into conniptions. Ray didn’t seem to care much at all, although she did express concern that she would no longer be popular if she didn’t have a pet pig. But me, feeling pangs of guilt over leaving my family for a month within the next few days, felt this was not the time to give up our little ball of joy. I was looking out for the welfare of the heartbroken Sarah. It was at this time that I had the brain-storm of the basement piggy set-up. We all know how well that worked, right?
But now, this guilt had definitely lifted with the new post-trip developments. So, the very next day, Stymie graciously took Anna over to the DeSantis farm in Chanhassen while Ray and I did a Brownie outing and Sarah and her friend went off to the beach. It took Sarah exactly one half hour of pouting to get over the separation anxiety. I guess she finally realized it was inevitable that Anna had to go.
When Ray and I returned home, I felt a sense of great relief that the demon pig was gone. I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up the basement, erasing all signs of pigdom. The next few days were blissful.
I was afraid to call Tony and Stacy to see how it was going. No problem. They called us with excitement every few days with the latest Pig Report. They were elated to own this wonderful beast. They were thanking us up and down. I was so happy for them but even happier for me.
Oh yes, Anna had fit into their menagerie of dogs, cats, birds, snake, bunnies, and fish so well. She and their young Doberman, Baby, became immediate best buddies and kennel mates. She didn’t care for their other Doberman, Honey, however. She’d chase her around the yard. Anna and Baby played tug-of-war with piggy’s blankie and ripped it all up. The Baby became very protective of Anna and kept herding her into the farmyard. T.J. (Tony and Stacy’s nine year old son) and Annabelle hit it off real well. They’d lay on the floor, cuddle up in a blanket and watch t.v. Anna also became the main greeter at the DeSantis homestead. She’d stick her head out the screen door to greet every new visitor as they came. She’d do the usual funny things pigs do, like getting her head stuck in the kitchen garbage can, trying to get at the carrot and celery peelings, And then there was the time she ate a whole bag of concrete. The family grew tired of listening to Anna scream as she attempted to excrete the residue. The pig, always seeking food…. and the apples, ooh the apple orchard. Anna was in heaven, and soon the report came that her stomach was dragging on the ground.
Things appeared to be pretty good for Anna. She had truly found her place and purpose in life. Then I got a report from a mutual friend that perhaps the honeymoon was over. I heard that Stacy was upset with Anna’s urinary habits. The problem, she said, wasn’t that her litter box just wasn’t big enough. She also tired of Anna ripping her blanket up all over the house. I was tempted to call and console but resisted temptation. Then one day Stacy called with the latest Pig Report. The report was that Anna was moving. The DeSantises had been given an ultimatum by their landlord. Either the whole family had to move or the pig. It seems that Anna had rooted up a large portion of the property. So, Stacy, having grown up on a pig farm, made arrangements for a pig farmer to take on Annabelle as a mascot. “A well deserving pig got the pig,” as Stacy put it. The pig farmer happened to be Scott County Sheriff.
The Sheriff spoiled Anna quite a bit. She got to live inside and had her own pink bedroom complete with a 4 X 4 litter box and a rooting box. She didn’t do very well with the big pigs, though. They thought it great fun to chase Annabelle around. Anna needed someone she could relate to on her own level. So Anna would run away and go next door. It is there that she has found true meaning in her life. Annabelle has fallen in love. The neighboring Belgium horse and exotic animal farm includes a beautiful male pot-belly pig. It is here, the report states, that Annabelle has lost her virginity, fixed as she is.
The absolute latest on Anna is that she is now cohabitating with her boyfriend. The Sheriff just couldn’t keep her from her visits, so he gave her to the neighbors. Anna’s now an attraction at a petting zoo in Shakopee where she and her lover have their own heated/air conditioned room in the barn. This petting zoo goes on the road and visits schools all over Minnesota. So Anna is now a well-educated pig. What a life this little beastie has had in her one short year. It sounds like she must be destined to grace this earth for a while longer contributing to the education and enrichment of small children. I can just imagine all those little youngsters returning home after meeting this little creature, begging for one of their own.
I’m glad Anna has finally found her place in this world, but what makes me even happier is that she’s found her place outside of my home. What a learning experience it has been. It’s been very healing for me to write this article knowing it will be the last. Life is good.
My advice to any parents out there with pets that are causing havoc in their lives but are afraid to get rid of for the sake of the kids: Just do it. Be selfish. We sacrifice enough already for our kids. Think of yourselves. Kids are resilient. They’ll get over it in no time (although Stacy did tell me T.J. cried on and off for four days after Anna left!). Waste no time. Act now. Life’s too short.