By Josh Stinson and Jenny Case
Trends come and go as time slips through the fingers of civilization. In the past there have been fashions of plenty. Being cool will never go out of style. We have done months of back-breaking research and surveys, and have set up guidelines for you, our faithful readers to be as cool as cool can be. There is also a spirituality to being cool, you must feel cool, act cool, look cool, but most important, of course, is hanging with a “cool” group of people. This report has been carefully divided into three categories, with the top three responses in each. Here are the results:
“COOL” PERSONAL HYGIENE
*Strong natural body odor (so your friends can distinguish your particular scent).
*All body hair is left uncut and unshaven.
*Irregular showering and bathing, less than once a month is most desirable.
“COOL” CLOTHING
*floral print corduroy bell bottoms
*plaid socks
*wool underwear
“COOL” BEHAVIOR
*Breakdancing at every given chance.
*Vomiting in public.
*Picking nose while stuck in traffic jam.
A weight has been lifted from our shoulders; we have been withholding this information for a long time now and we felt it only proper to share it with our devoted Com-Mini readers. Thank you for your time. This has been an uplifting experience for us all.